To describe the specific decision is beyond. The point is that the decision was made.
For a long time and even now at times, I struggled with indecision. Should I? Should I not? This one or That one? Those were the questions I asked myself. Then those same questions were asked to others. I’d disguise my indecision by claiming to have been seeking advice or picking brains. The idea of one mistake changing the entire course of my life for worse and bearing a lifelong burden of regret that everyone else could’ve predicted or warned me against made me not trust my own judgement. Considering all my preteen madness, I was already shaking my head at the memories. Wishing that’d I’d been more normal. I had regrets that “if I would’ve just listened”… everything could’ve been different. Now, in my young adult life all I want to do is listen.
It’s an interesting point to reflect on when I remember myself feeling confident, free, fearless, unique, capable – I made so many stupid childish mistakes. Versus now feeling insecure, restricted, scared, – I make no mistakes…I make nothing at all.
It starts to eat you. You start drowning in all the input. You start realizing that everyone has something different to say and they all contradict each other. At the end, you still have to decide on something. Even if it’s deciding who you should listen to. It becomes overwhelming, the indecision. The time to make the decision comes closer and closer. You do or you dont. You will or you wont. Green or Blue. Two or Four. Him or Her. Yes or No. Stay or Leave. Walk or Run.
Then, your new life starts. The doors may open or they may close, but the new chapter begins. The decision was made. Whether good or bad You’ll grow, you’ll know, you’ll realize that it’s all fate. In my religion we call it قدر Qadr – divine destiny. What has reached you was never going to miss you. What has missed you was never meant to reach you.
Just decide. Trust. Pray. Breathe. It’ll be ok.
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